i am an iceberg…

Did you know the piece of the iceberg above the water is called a hummock and the piece under the water a bummock?  Little fact for you but that’s not what this is about.

Someone once asked me about how I would describe myself.  Given that it was a work situation, I talked about being proactive not reactive, a people person and simply someone who gets things done.  Pretty basic description and probably not that different from many others descriptions of themselves.  But it is not really how I see myself or allow others to see me.

I am an iceberg.  No, not the pristine white floating chilled out thing that we all see in those National Geographic documentary.  More like the surface is cool, calm and collected and the worry that goes on underneath is momentus.  Its only the people who really know me that I let see or inflict with the under ocean element.

I am currently feeling like an iceberg that is sinking and feel like the weight of the base is pulling the tip further and further under the water.  Soon I fear there will be no tip and the base will pull me under.  I am currently treading water as fast as I can but the gasping for breath has already started.  Its dangerous to get close to me just like a small boat in the ocean, I need to calm down and start to breath again – slowly but surely to try to stop the pounding of blood I can hear in my ears, to stop the shortness of breath and to stem the snapping at my family.  God only knows how they put up with me…when the tip of the iceberg is rising high – I am hoping it is making up for when the tip is hardly visible.

I want to try to do the impossible – turn the iceberg upside down.  That is my ultimate goal – have above the water larger than below, to float through life and not worry so much.  Simple physics won’t allow this but I need to try.  I need to take a breath before I say things, close my eyes and count to 3 before I snap and most importantly ask for help even when I don’t really need it.  Not sure I will ever succeed in turning it upside down but I can try. #worrywomen #iamaniceberg


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